Seeking what knowledge you can

Church was good today, but Alli was wild! She did her normal routine of wake at 7am - put her back down at 7:45am so I could finish getting ready. She played in the crib until 8:10am when she fell asleep. I had to get her up at 8:35am to go to church....nuff said...no nap. That's ok, we make do. So we get to church and she is behaving like my good little girl....and then as soon as sacrament starts she is squirmy and wanting to crawl everywhere. If it wasn't sacrament, I would've said go for it. But instead I spent the majority of sacrament chasing her around or trying to confine her to our pew.

I know as a young mom that being able to get much out of church right now may not always happen. I know that my biggest responsibility is to my daughter and I am grateful for that responsibility. So even though I sometimes feel as though I get NOTHING out of church....I still trudge on and go because I get to take the sacrament and show God that I do want to learn even if I am a little distracted. :) So even though I had a huge distraction today without Ben's help to control this distraction....I did get something out of church yay!

The first two talks were on keeping the commandments and I didn't get to hear much from them but I am thankful for the reminder to follow the Lord and keep His commandments. I think the last talk focused on finding joy in life...not sure...too distracted. But what I did pull from his talk was improving how I can show gratitude. I think he was trying to say that by focusing on things we are grateful for, this can help us find joy in our lives. I really want to commit to discovering daily things I'm grateful for. So whether on this blog or in my journal, I'm going to try....try....to keep a regular record of the things that I am grateful for.

Sunday school....oh sunday school....Emily Halverson...I think I love you. No really, I love her lessons. She is always so prepared and so close to the spirit. She teaches with such conviction. Anyway, 1 Kings 19 and 2 Kings 5-6....again Alli was a bit of a distraction but I know the lesson was mostly about how to share the gospel. We talked about the example of the servant who said, "oh if only there was a prophet in the land, then the king would be healed of leprosy." How amazing her faith was....that even in the office of servitude she could think of her master and share her faith that she KNEW that if they could believe and call on the Lord, that the king would be healed...

And yet it was a side comment that really threw me today. Emily was explaining how she and her husband were brainstorming about what keeps us from being able to fulfill certain callings (so to speak) in life like sharing the gospel...and she and Jared came up with this thought: "If your calling feels to heavy to bear, maybe you are trying to do too much on your own." Wow. I needed to hear this. I am sometimes too much of a type A personality. Sometimes (don't lie Heather)...ok most the time...I feel I am better off to do things myself because then I know they will get done right (or at least the way I want them done). The main calling that sometimes weighs heavily on me is that of motherhood. Especially on those days when Alli is crazy or tired or just doesn't feel good for one reason or another....and all I want to do is sleep or have a little selfish me time, I feel so worn out and don't feel like I am able to get any motivation to get anything done. This has bothered me a lot lately...my fatigue has been extreme. I feel like a complete slug some days. I feel like these days outweigh the days I'm productive. I remember the days of working; I remember the days in high school when I had 4 hours of homework, band practice or softball practice, and I had been up since 4:30 for seminary but somehow I managed to do everything and be everywhere all at once. I needed this gentle reminder that I'm not required to go it alone. God is with me. He is there to lift me up and help carry my burden; whether that means give me the strength I need to get through a rough day with Alli, or help her rest well so I can rest or just help change the spirit in the home so that the burdens do seem like burdens at all.

So today I am thankful for:
1. My Heavenly Father and his gentle reminders that he is hear, he does hear and know us, and we are not alone.
2. A nice summer breeze...even if it has a sting of humidity....its still a breeze which is better than none at all.
3. A good long Sunday nap for Alli, so I have time to ponder on the things I've learned today.